The Valley . . .

I feel like I should explain the concept of the ‘valley’ a bit more than it has the ability to snow 364 days a year. The valley is a part of land at the bottom of the mountains near lake Como in Italy which also happens to be Daniele's and Mamma's birthplace. From what I can decipher from Daniele’s occasional reminiscing, the valley is a place where babies come out of the womb as 6ft giants, already dressed in flannel and with a beard that would make Gandalf jealous. Chainsaws are also used as cutlery, and one is an official man when you either cut down your first pine tree, or kill a mountain lion with your bare hands. An example of a true valley mentality can be seen in Daniele’s Uncle Stefan.

Uncle Stefan, was one of eleven children, and had reached a height of 6ft 5 by 16 and a casual weight of 150 kilos, (roughly 23 stone) by the age of 25. In other words he was a man mountain. On a road trip through the valley he happened to be passing over a bridge when he noticed a large group of people leaning over the edge. Out of interest Stefan got out his car and decided to take a closer look. As he gets closer to the scene, he starts to hear loud sobs. Upon reaching the edge of the bridge he sees the spectacle. It is in fact a deer unable to move because of a broken leg. At this point a woman starts crying: ‘HELP THE POOR CREATURE!’ Stefan decided to do just that. He slowly lowers himself down to the deer and then proceeds to slit the animal’s throat; sling it over his shoulders and tie it to the roof of his car, with the words: ‘What! It’s good meat.’

If this doesn’t paint a picture of what the valley is like, Stefan has also at the age of 60 decided to learn English. This sounds like a totally reasonable idea considering it is widely spoken throughout the world. His reason for learning English however, is not because he wishes to communicate with the wider world, Stefan wants to build a silencer for his hunting rifle. Yes, a silencer.

According to Daniele, these are the kind of people that keep cows instead of dogs for pets. The reasoning being that ‘you can’t eat something if you don’t know it by its first name.’ I think I like the valley.